Panic Attacks

Phillie's SMS was justified one night when we were watching television in the living room.

Feeling tired and wanting to retired to bed at 8:00pm, one hour earlier than usual, Angie got up and walked to the stair case. Suddenly, Mother's upper body was shaking and head turning left and right. Her face ashened and both hands raised and flapping. She got up and mumbled unintelligibly, and followed Angie toward the stair case. It was some sort of panic attacks!

We were alarmed. Angie turned around to comfort her. I approached Mother and hugged her sideways. I gesture Angie to sit down and asked softly if Mother wanted to go to bed. She nodded meekly.

So, the three of us gone upstairs. Mother insisted to sleep in Angie's room.

Mother was restless when Angie visited the bath room at midnight. I went inside the room to keep her company. That seemed to calm her down. So, I slept on the mattress on the floor between Mother's and Angie's bed. It was a fine arrangement as Mother didn't get up when Angie's did her round at 3:00am.

It was a difficult moment for me as I lay eyes wide open till morning.

Thus, I anxiously looked forward to Mother's first appointment with Dr Chew, a local psychiatrist recommended by my brother-in-law.

Brother Jophie

Jophie, with his wife, planned to stay for four days.

Unbeknown to most in the family, Jophie contributed substantially toward my college expenses. I am eternally grateful for that.

So when he asked me to help with Mother, I did it in a heartbeat.

However, I was getting tired and worn out when his requests became more frequent and demanding, physically and emotionally, as I needed some rest in the daytime after my graveyard shift, 10:00pm-6:00am without sleep.

I was annoyed by his hands-off and aloof manner, and further irritated as he seemed to keep his distance from Mother.

Jophie was Mother's most favored child. He was a middle kid, fifth out of ten, and the third son out of five. In the traditional Chinese family, the best loved child by the parents is usually the youngest son.

Some months later, Mother's fifteen-minute appointment with the chief psychiatrist in the local mental institution expanded to two hours as I explained how that came about.

Night Duty

Jophie asked me if I could sleep beside Mother in her room. We were told she would get up at wee hours, like 3:00am, pace around the living room, open doors and windows. Sometimes, she would fire up the gas stove to cook!

So I dragged a light foam mattress to the master bedroom when Mother and Angie retired at 9:00pm. Mother didn't object to me sleeping on the floor beside her bed. She seemed to sleep well, snoring loudly.

Around midnight, Angie went to the toilet to vomit. Mother got up upon hearing the splashing noise in the bath room. I asked her what she was doing. She said she needed to check on Angie. She went back to sleep after chatting with Angie for a few minutes.

The incident repeated around 3:00am.

We all got up at 6:00am. Mother's mode was unstable. She was down but lightened up when our conversation pleased her. At 8:00am I took a nap for two hours after a sleepless night.

Sensing something was seriously wrong, I thus started my night duty for another four weeks!

Mother over-reacting?

I reached my parents' house well past 9:00pm.

I bid good bye to Sammie as he drove away. The french window type front doors slided open. Jophie popped out his head and frowned.

"Hi! Mother?" I said.

"Went to bed at nine."

We didn't talked much. I took a quick shower and slept in the small back room. Used to stay here with my younger brother Phillie in my secondary school days.

I hadn't been back for the past five years. And not used to getting into bed before midnight. I was well awake at 3:00am when someone got inside the bath room next to my bedroom. Then I heard Mother whispering as the person coming out of the bath room. I got up and opened the door ajar and saw Mother walking Angie to her room.

The next day Angie told me about the side effects of the chemotherapy medicine she was taking. That included vomiting during night time. That explained last night incident.

So, Mother wasn't sleep well.

Trip Home

Looking at the various dark greenish patterns of the sea as the plane was descending, I was not sure what to think of the message, "Mom is emotionally unstable. Might have to check her into the mental hospital. Please visit ASAP. Do not call." Do not call?? Call who??

The sky was dim blue as dusk approached. From the airport, eldest brother Sammie drove me to a kopitiam, 500m from my parents' house. I needed a short rest after the 1000-mile flight. And we could talk before I see Mother.

"How's mother?" I asked.

"She's over-reacting. You shouldn't come back."

What?! But brother Jophie was back from Australia, too.

And the SMS!? From younger brother Phillie. Was he over-reacting, too!?

I was perplexed. About mother's conditions. And Sammie's attitude. I needed to see Mother ASAP.

I was not sure if this has anything to do with sister Angie's illness. Likely.